I'm broken.. do you hear me?

So my friend told me to make a blog about this. -_-"
Broken Heart is never easy, and it's always terrible, so it is called broken..

This blog post is dedicated for those who are broken hearted : you will get better, as i do right now.

Suddenly today I'm overwhelmed with emotion all over again. I can't seem to get you out of my head this morning, the pain is almost unbearable again, why am I feeling like this today? I thought I was okay, I am, but today brings many thoughts of you and much as I try to control it, I can't! It's tough because I know you are not even giving me a second thought. I'm so disappointed at how you have treated me but I guess you showed me the real you eventually, The you who treats someone he's supposed to love as though they were something he stepped in. The you who I was there for when nobody else was and who easily forgot that when in mattered the most. Why did he suddenly just stop caring, I find it impossible that he ever actually truly loved me because if he did, you don't just forget about someone, after all I had thought about him a lot and he never left my mind. So many things had happened, I had been through so much, much of it not good and the one person I wanted to share it with or to talk to was him. I didn't want to feel that way but as someone who guarded my emotions well and shared nothing, he changed that. I went from saying nothing to sharing everything and then when I no longer had him around to share things with...nothing again! I confided in my best friend, other friends and appreciated having them but I missed our bond, it was different. A sense of sadness overcame me; at such a young age I was distressed that such a thought or emotion was already present in this precious young life. But honestly, I knew exactly how that felt, I was feeling a pain, experiencing a hurt that truly, I only wanted one person to notice - someone you cared about so much and provided so much for could easily walk away and turn their back on you. It was a harsh reality but people were increasingly selfish the more selfless you were...why? So whilst I lay here consumed in my pain and my emotions once again like so many times before, the right person wasn't concerned, effectively the right person didn't or wasn't asking me what was wrong...he simply didn't care. But its okay, I did none of these things out of a sense of duty, it's just who I am and that was the difference between you and I. No matter what you put me through, I remained true, and was still there for you. 

And to those experience this broken heart thing. I know you’re upset about him. It’s okay, be upset, cry, scream into your pillow till you think you’ve lost your voice. But looking back on this stupid boy who broke your heart in the future, you’ll laugh at him, Laugh because he thought he was doing the right thing at the right time. Turns out he wasn’t because he lost something amazing. And you’ll thank him. Thank him for making you stronger, and to say to hell with him, I’m great. But most importantly you’ll appreciate what he did, because without him leaving you wouldn’t have time to search for the deserving person right now.

But still, sometimes I still wonder why things happened the way they did. I think that, finally, I’m getting over you.. letting go of you properly. It’s strange.. but it finally seems to be happening. I used to think it was impossible, but now it doesn’t anymore. You will always be special to me, but those feelings I had are slowly going to fade away until they’re a mere bittersweet memory. It’s sad, because what I felt for you was really special, but it’s obviously for the best. At least now I can be around you without it being awkward. Can we just be good friends? I’ll be happy with that. I know, It's really good to love someone so much, then suddenly you'll get hurt. I don't know how people survive this. Honestly, i don't. I've been in heart breaks but still my heart chooses to love that person over and over again. Maybe i’d rather not let go and move on. maybe i’d rather hold on to this hurt i feel than to be out there in the world meeting all the people who do not even come close to who you are. maybe it’s not worth the disappointment. and you can call me a coward for thinking this, but i think it’s dangerous to let go for i might love you more fiercely when i step back into this room and realize there’s nobody out there quite like you. I hate forcing myself to let go of a person that I want in my life. It is the only thing that makes sense but at the same time, it is the same thing that complicates me. I know that I am better off without that person yet I feel empty whenever I try to let go. So now I ask, is emptiness better than pain?

*sighs*

"If you find yourself in love with someone who doesn’t love you, be gentle with yourself."

There’s nothing wrong with loving someone, i know. It’s just that love didn’t choose to rest on the other person’s heart. If you find someone in love with you whom you don’t love, feel honored coz his love has knocked on your door. But gently refuse the gift which you can’t return. If you find yourself in love with someone who loves you too, but love chooses to leave, don’t try to reclaim it or assess blame. Let it go. Remember, you don’t choose love. Love chooses you. Love has its own time, own season, own meaning, own reason for coming and going.

BE YOURSELF, LIFE HAS TO GO ON. Everything's going to be alright, so cheer up! :)